SHIT A story about something I haven't written yet... bitches. --- (Start scene 1) The curtain opens. The setting is outside an old English town, circa 1700. There stands Arnold, wearing a purple dress suit with tails and a black cane. Victoria enters the room in a white gown, her blone hair in a beehive. Arnold: {excited} O! Victoria! How I have miss- Victoria pulls out a machine gun and mows Arnold the fuck down. Victoria: {pissed off to all hell} I told you I HATE LINUX! The curtain falls (End scene 1) --- (Start scene 2) A man in a red and white suit, tophat, and cane rushes out in front of the curtain. He has a black beard and a handlebar mustache. Man: People, people! Please calm yourselves. What has happened just now is {gasp-inducing} a MURDER! The man twirls his handlebar mustache. SoundFX: Lightning Lighting: Flashing on and off The man walks off stage laughing. Lighting: Fades to black (End scene 2) --- (Start scene 3) The curtains open. Linux and Arnold are sharing a pint of ale in the local tavern. Animal furs cover the brown wooden walls and the sounds of burly men fill the air. Linux and Arnold are wearing clothes the common man would wear, but with big feathery hats. Arnold: {slightly tipsy} I tells- I... You look pretty Jewish today, Linux. Man at bar counter: {shocked} Oh no! Contriversy! Linux: {slightly more tipsy} I'm the Jewiest Jew-face that's ever... Where is my little hat? A tall fat man wearing robes and a crown walks into the bar. Everyone but Arnold and Linux gasp as the man stands in the door frame. Man at bar counter: {shocked} The King is here! Why would The King be here?! Bar keeper: {irritated} Shut up, man at bar counter. The King: I am looking for a man in a large feathery hat and his Jew friend, who may be hiding his little hat under a larger hat. Arnold: {upset} Why can't you just accept me for who I am, father? The King: {impatient} Shut your noise, you! We're going back to the castle, your late for your sexual orientation training with Capt. Hinesworth. Arnold: {embarassed} Dad! What are you doing?! Linux laughs himself to the floor, still drinking from the tin mug. Arnold: Look what you've done, father. I'll see you later, Linux. {bitter, to The King} Let's go. Arnold and The King leave the tavern. Just as the door closes the whole tavern erupts into laughter. The curtain closes. (End scene 3) --- (Start scene 4) Arnold is sitting in a stone room with royal tapistry hanging from the walls. Captain Hinesworth, a gangly man in a form-fitting uniform and puffy shoulders stands in front of a chalkboard. The chalkboard has a crude drawing of a male, a female, another male, and another female. Hinesworth: As you can clearly see here, the boys are next to the girls. Are there any boys next to other boys? Arnold: {bored} No... Hinesworth: {proud} Good job, snukkems! Okay, now as you can see here {draws a circle around the boy on the left's hand and the girl to the right's hand} the boy and the girl can hold hands. This is what makes rainbows and bunnies and princes. But the two boys can not hold hands because they are not next to eachother. In order to hold hands they would have to {elevated voice} punch through the girls! {lowered voice} But it's against the law to punch through girls to hold someone's hand. Do you understand now? Arnold: Yes... Hinesworth: Swell! Since you've been such a good boy today how about we go lay in the flowers, shall we? Arnold: I suppose. Arnold and Captain Hinesworth stand to leave the room. Arnold: Suppose one of the boys looked and dressed like a girl. Then could THEY hold a boy's hand? Hinesworth: I suppose that might work. As long as you don't punch through any girls it should work. Arnold and Captain Hinesworth exit. (End scene 4) --- (Start scene 5)